I make lists like Angelina adopts 3rd world kids

I'm sitting here at 6:15 listening to The Lawrence Arms. I've barely been out of my room all day other than to go to my classes (JCU didn't cancel classes until afternoon classes, and all mine were in the morning) and to dinner for 1/2 an hour, and I'm fucking bored to tears. So I figured I would write in here, and give you the list of 10 ways to beat the Cleveland winter blues that I promised last night.

10 Ways To Beat The Cleveland Winter Blues (In no particular order):

1. Call someone you haven't talked to in a long time-
One of three things will happen when you do this. Either
A) you will have a great conversation with that person catching up on all the things you've each been doing in your lives (saving the environment, starting a new relationship, catching chlamydia from someone at a frat party you went to last Friday, etc.) or
B) That person will not remember you and you will get into an argument trying to convince her that you met at that one party that a mutual friend had the first weekend of September, and you thought you had a connection, but never really got around to calling her or
C) That person will wonder why you called them, considering you had sex with their girlfriend at a mutual friend's party the first weekend of September, and then never even got around to calling her afterwards, and he will remember how much he hates you and hang up after threatening to kick your ass

I do realize there are other options than these, but these are the three most plausible. Plus, any of these would be a great story to tell the next time you're hanging out with your friends.

2. Learn to swing dance
Let's face it, anyone who can swing dance is probably a fucking cool person. Either that, or a condescending prick who thinks he's better than you simply because he can swing dance. Either way, as long as you're not a condescending prick, you can definitely get some ladies if you go somewhere where dancing is included and you can literally sweep all the women off their feet. They will be putty in your hands after you show them how well you dance. At least, that's what the movies tell me.

3. Master Photoshop
This is something I have been working on during these long boring winter months. While it may not come into play too often in everyday life, or in a job setting (unless you're a tabloid photographer, in which case you're probably a douche), it's still a cool skill to have. It's always nice to know you have the power to take the photo of your ex-girlfriend and her new guy and make it look as though he has a big black dildo in his hand instead of that can of Natural Light. Also, it's a great time killer.

4. Research The Benefits Of Quitting Smoking
It will really make you realize wow, I should quit! However, when you try and realize that you can't do it, this could be kind of a downer. But if you can do it, more power to you, you're a better man than I. Actually, no you're not. Just because you're all of a sudden a nonsmoker and I still smoke you think you're better than me? Fuck off man!

5. Make A Lot Of New Ringtones For Your Phone
Another great timekiller, this has been my way of spending probably around 5 hours worth of time since I came back to school. It helps because you can put on songs that remind you of summer and kind of drift away into a summery haze staring at your computer screen and listening to "What A Day For A Daydream", or whatever other songs may remind you of summer. Be warned, however, that this way of getting rid of the blues only works until you unplug your headphones and look out the window, where you're shamelessly shocked back into January reality.

6. Start Writing A Blog
Hey, it's working for me so far.

7. Read A Trashy Novel About A Romance That Happens At The Beach
I haven't actually done this one, but I'm sure it can help your mind wander to a warm place full of sex, dongs, vaginas, and adultery. Plus they're cheap and probably take a long time to read because you have to force your way through...like trying to have sex with Miley Cyrus.

8. Have A Winter "Fling"
This is how a lot of people apparently pass the time in the summer, but why has the fling always been confined to only the summer? Why can't you have a winter fling? I say everyone go out there and have a winter fling. Report back to me how it goes, and I will shape my opinion on this more as each report comes pouring into my inbox as I'm sure they will. What's wrong with a little unprotected sex in some guy's basement with someone who, as soon as the weather gets nice, will be out of your life forever? At the very least, you can have one more story to tell your psychiatrist.

9. Immerse yourself in work/school/both
This is kind of what I have done a lot of the time. All of a sudden I decided to care about my grades, and have been working a lot more hours than usual, which is fine with me. It really does help to pass the time, and both of these activities are indoors, so you can concentrate hard enough where you don't even remember that it's shitty outside until you go back out 8 hours later. It's really a great feeling to be inside for so long that you forget it's 6 degrees.

10. Drink a lot of alcohol
You didn't really think I would leave this one off the list, did you? This is the best way to get rid of the Cleveland winter blues, and probably the one chosen most often. There's simply nothing that compares to "drinking your coat", so that you don't even have to wear a shirt when it's 20 degrees because you're so plastered you're sweating. Plus, you can literally forget what the weather is like because you forgot everything else from that night too. Let's be honest, this is the best option out of all ten.

Well there you have it, 10 simple ways for you to beat the Cleveland winter blues. I'm spent for tonight, but I'll be back tomorrow for another episode of what's going through my mind.

One Way To Cure The Winter Blues That Only Works If You're Me

Looking at this blank screen is always the hardest part of writing anything, actually starting it. I have the same troubles with writing papers, songs, blogs, whatever. I never have the motivation to actually start doing it, but once I do, I'm glad I did. Well let's see, what's a great topic for my first (real) blog on this site...

How about midgets? Cleveland weather? Ugg boots? Good music? Threesomes with two cheap, middle-aged prostitutes?

I think we'll go with Cleveland weather, although I do promise that there will be blogs about all of those previously mentioned things, with the possible exception of the last one.

Cleveland weather sucks. That's the best way to start it. I know there are many other places where they get a lot more snow, it gets much colder, and some places where the don't even really get a summer like most of us know it. However, I don't live in those places, and therefore don't give a fuck. I live in Cleveland, and it sucks during the winter. The worst part is the teasing. For a perfect example, take the 2 day span last year where it literally went from 75 degrees one day during the winter to snowing and in the 30s the next day. I thought for sure that was against the laws of physics (I never got around to looking it up, so if any of you do, let me know). But I digress...that's a perfect example of Cleveland's fucked-up way of teasing everyone with the weather. We'll have shitty winter for 3 weeks straight, and then get 1 or 2 days of tolerable warmth, which at that point feels like we're in the Bahamas, followed by a return to the hell-like freezing temperatures of those previous weeks. It's as though the weather says "hey, let's fuck with 'em for a day or two".

Even without the teasing days (where I almost always wear shorts), Cleveland weather would still suck. I hate the cold, the wind (which seems to be blowing in my face while walking to classes at school, regardless of which direction I'm facing), and the snow and ice. Everything about winter pisses me off. Everyone makes a big deal about having a white Christmas and whatnot, but really, why? Why is that necessary? For one day a year to be enjoyable, it has to be shitty outside? Why not have a Christmas where it's 75 degrees and sunny? I personally don't think anyone would not enjoy Christmas just because it's warm outside. And if that's the case, you're missing the entire point of the day.

Anyway, onto the next topic. I'm sitting in my room, looking out the window at the possible 8-11 inches of snow that are supposed to fall within the next 24 hours or so, and can't help but dream of the first week of March. For those of you that don't know me, that week is the week me and Tom are going to Tampa, Florida to visit my friend Jessi for a week. I checked the temperature in Tampa this afternoon. It was 24 here in Cleveland, and 81 there. If that simple fact doesn't make you want to be there, I don't know what would. Maybe the many attractive scantily clad women, the week of absolute freedom from school, work, or whatever may be the bane of your existence these days, or the fun to be had will do it for you. Either way, these next 32 days are surely going to go by like molasses, but it will be totally worth it. An 18 hour road trip followed by a week of sun, fun, and friends sounds like the perfect cure for the Cleveland winter blues.

Well I'm going to go write a song, or at least attempt to, because I'm already writing so I might as well try to get something done. By the way, for anyone who reads this, I'm looking to start a punk band. I play bass and could sing if necessary. Leave me a comment if you're interested.

Be sure to check in with me tomorrow night for a Top 10 ways to have a good time even though the weather sucks list, David Letterman-esque.

A New Hope

Hello all. My name is Mike and this is Tales Of A Regular Guy. I decided that I need to write more often, because you can only write so many crappy songs at 3 in the morning (that you'll probably never even do anything with) before you decide another outlet is necessary. This is that other outlet. My first post is going to be nothing special, because I am currently doing my DJing and don't have too much time to spend on this right now. However, don't worry, I will write later on tonight after all my classes, and it will be totally worth it. Check back later for brilliance in the form of a free blog.
Until tonight
-Mike